ORIGINAL AD:
I am looking for passengers for a relaxed no rush chilledout siteseeing road trip to melbourne. I have a camper that sleeps 2 coumfortbly 3 or 4 not as coumfortubly. Also tent that sleeps 3. I will take 1 to 3 people. The camper has a cooker and a small fridge. Petrol shair is a must and drive shair would be preferabul. I am looking to leave on march 6 0r 7 but I am flexable to a date after that. I am an easygoing friendly 28 year old male from England. If intrested call, email or drop in to my work which is also my home at the moment and ask for Ian. Thankyou
___________________________________________________________________
Helo Ian!,
I want to ride with you on this quest. I am the most chilledout dude you will ever meet. I can drive too, so we can shair the driving and petrol costs. It is preferabul for me to leave on 6 Or 7 March too. My birthday is on the 14th. Maybe we can celebrate that together?
I am very intrested. I am a very coumfortble guy to travel with. Very experienced. Please contact me back via email.
Regards,
Tony
__________________________________________________________________
From Ian to Tony Smalls:
Hey thanks for replying to my gumtree ad. If you want to come then thats cool. We should meet up first I think for a beer and just make shure we will get on I am shure we will. Where are you in perth? Ian
__________________________________________________________________
From Tony Smalls to Ian:
Ian,
No worries. If you have any other ad on gumtree, ill gladly reply to that one two. Oh yay. I want to come alrihgt. Mebourn is my favourite place in the hole of Austria!
Just a beer? How a bout ate of them! Thats what I always say. But id prfer berben. Beer isnt reely for me. When you say chilledout, does it mean we have to do weeed? Coz id be fully open to that if you really want to. Never done it befor. Have u?
I am in Mt Lawley. Were are u?
From Tony
__________________________________________________________________
From Ian to Tony Smalls:
Hey dude Yer I love beer, weed and Berbben so yes I will be smoking weed You dont have to but you can if you want. If it turns out to be a road trip like out of Fear and Loathing then that woulednt be a bad thing ha ha ha ha.
If you want to meet up for a few beers or berbens on sunday I am free. I am living on Ozbourn park at the moment. I am not shure where Mt Lawley is but I can find it. Just give me a cal man. Ian
__________________________________________________________________
From Tony Smalls to Ian:
Ian,
Yes. Ill smoke the green stuff. I cant wait to go to la la land with you. Have you been to la la land before? Will you take me there? What is Fear and Loathing? Maybey you cood hire it out and we can have a movie night sometime. Is it scary? Im not good with scary movies. Have you seen Wolf Creek? THAT roadtrip would be fun.
Oh yeh Ozbourn Park hey? Thats close. Im currently in Gildford. But tomorrow im moving to Albany. Want 2 meete ther?
Looking forward to our trip full of cocaine and underage hookers,
Tony
__________________________________________________________________
From Ian to Tony Smalls:
I think your taking the piss mate. witch one of Tods mates are you!
__________________________________________________________________
From Tony Smalls to Ian:
Ian,
You must have a rather funny bunch of mates if you think this is a prank. I assure you, it is not. My name is Tony Smalls. Some call me a ninja. If we go on this roadtrip, I can help you to become something that slightly resembles a ninja.
I repeat, I do not know this 'Tod' you speak of. He sounds like a fag.
Regards,
Tony
__________________________________________________________________
From Ian to Tony Smalls:
youre some kind of comedian pal! Very funny ha ha ha ha
___________________________________________________________________
From Tony Smalls to Ian:
Ian,
I am very much delighted if you think I am a comedian. Its the best compliment ive had since my ex girlfriend said I have a bigger penis than the guy she was cheating on me with. He was a midget.
So when do we leave? Will you supply the ecstacy? Or will I have to supply that as well as the cocaine and underage hookers?
Regards,
Tony
___________________________________________________________________
From Ian to Tony Smalls:
I am sorry mate but I am not shure if you are for real or just taking the piss what the fuck was all that ninja shit about ha ha ha ha. I am finding this very amusing eather way. Also are you taking the piss with my speeling mistakes or what! I all ways forget to use the spellchecker
Ian
___________________________________________________________________
From Tony Smalls to Ian:
Ian,
I am definitely for real and I am definitely a ninja. Dont believe it? Look behind you. GONE! Gone before you could even turn your head.
So when are we going? I need to get out of this state. Urgently. Im currently out on bail and im as guilty as anything. Got caught red handed. So I need out. When can we go? Please make it as soon as possible. And no, your spelling is all absolutely correct.
Regards,
Tony
___________________________________________________________________
From Tony Smalls to Ian again:
Ian,
I just had a call from my mate Davo. Hes just escaped from Casuarina Prison. Can we get going this arvo?
Regards,
Tony
__________________________________________________________________
From Ian to Tony Smalls:
Yer of course we can no worrys you fucking loony!
___________________________________________________________________
From Tony Smalls to Ian:
Ian,
Okay good. U got everything together? Sorry, havent had time to organise the cocaine. But u must have the weed yeh? Also, because im skipping bail, im going to be out of pocket 50 grand. Theres a pretty easy bank to hit over in Melbourne, all I need you to do is drive. Me and Davo will do all the work.
When can we meet and go? An hour?
Regards,
Tony Smalls
__________________________________________________________________
From Tony Smalls to Ian:
This is constable Mark Butcher. Are you aware that you are aiding a known criminal escape the state? This is completely against Western Australian law. You show a blatant disregard to the community by putting it under such threat. If you know the whereabouts of Tony Smalls or David Swallow, contact me immediately.
Regards,
Mark Butcher
___________________________________________________________________
From Ian to Tony Smalls:
Fare cop guv you caute me red handed! ha ha ha ha your a right jumbo joker you!
___________________________________________________________________
From Tony Smalls to Ian:
Yo man this is davo where the fuck has Tony gone? Have you taken Tony? What the fuck are you thinking. Did you dob him into the copper? Man if you have done anything to tony ill fuck you up. Now are u gonna take us to fucking melbourne or what. i need out of here. if you dont, ill cut ya dick off muthfucka
___________________________________________________________________
From Tony Smalls to Ian again:
Davo mate. Its Tony here. Calm down. I just went to the shops and thought I was being followed so I had to bail. Its okay. Ill come back in an hour.
Ian, Can we leave soon please? Or are you not upto taking us anymore? Please reply with urgency.
Regards,
Tony
Monday, February 15, 2010
Car Help
From Tony Smalls to RAC:
Hello,
My car is broken down at my house and I need somebody to come out and have a look at it. I think ive locked the keys in there.
Regards,
Tony
___________________________________________________________________
From Terry to Tony Smalls:
Hi Tony
To have a patrol call out and unlock your car you will have to be a member of the RAC to arrange a call or join RAC if you are not a member the cost will be Joining fee $36 standard membership fee for 1 year and charge for 1st call $100 total cost to join if you are a no member $219
Regards
Terry *****
RAC Motoring Advice
__________________________________________________________________
From Tony Smalls to Terry:
Terry,
I dont need you to call the police. No need for a patrol car. I just need somebody who works for you to come out and see what they can do. I am an RAC member, but im not too sure of my membership number. Can this be sorted out later?
How do we go about this? I need to have my car up and running again by Thursday for when I leave my house for the only time this month. I unfortunately suffer from Agoraphobia. Do you know what that is?
Regards,
Tony
__________________________________________________________________
Hi Tony as I stated in my email you have to be a paid up member of RAC for us to call out if you call 131111 and supply membership number or vehicle registration No that will bring up your membership no then once confirmed a fully paid up member of RAC the operator can arrange a call out to unlock you car
Regards
Terry *****
RAC Motoring Advice
__________________________________________________________________
From Tony Smalls to Terry:
Terry,
Well as my car is parked outside, I cannot get a licence plate number for you. Its parked behind a tree and cannot see it from the window. Maybe I will just have to pay the fee for a non RAC member. It even looks as though the rear left window could be open, but again, I am not sure.
Regards,
Tony
___________________________________________________________________
From Terry to Tony Smalls:
Hi Tony
We only call out if you are a member if you call 13 1111 the operator could check by your name and address
Regards
Terry *****
___________________________________________________________________
From Tony Smalls to Terry:
Terry,
As I have not been outside in a long while, im not entirely sure what my street number is. Is it possible to get somebody to drive around to my house to see what the number is on my letterbox? I will then have the required info to call your 13 1111 number.
Regards,
Tony
__________________________________________________________________
From Courtney to Tony Smalls:
Hello Mr Smalls,
Thank you for your email, I have noticed you are emailing from UK. You have contacted RAC Western Australia. If you require assistance from RAC UK then they will have a different website and contact details.
If you are requiring assistance from RAC Western Australia, we unfortunately will not be able to check your street number for you as our patrol service will attend to assist with your vehicle but we do require the address we are attending.
Please advise if it is RACWA that you require assistance from.
Regards,
Courtney ****
Customer Relations Specialist
___________________________________________________________________
From Tony Smalls to Courtney:
Courtney,
Where did Terry go? I want terry back!
It is definitely RACWA that I require assistance. I moved from the UK four years ago for reasons I would prefer not to discuss in this email. Something happened, it was a random attack, I had a baby, and well that is why I am now an Agoraphobiac. I assure you that I DO live in Western Australia.
As I have stated, I do not know my street address. Perhaps you could put me onto the phone of one of your RAC cars and I could direct them to my house?
Regards,
Tony
__________________________________________________________________
Hi Tony,
Apologies, Terry is in the technical advice department so I have taken over your query as I am in the membership roadside assistance department and will be better suited to help you. I have looked in our database and am having trouble locating a current or lapsed membership for you. Can you please provide me with what you do know of your street address so I can do another search on this?
As advised by Terry, you do need to be a member of RAC for us to provide you with assistance. We can organise a membership for you of which will need to be paid in full by credit card prior to us arranging for a patrol to assist you.
Is there a telephone number we can contact you on to discuss membership options?
Regards,
Courtney ****
Customer Relations Specialist
___________________________________________________________________
Court,
Am I able to be put back through to Terry? He was helping just fine. If not, then I guess you will do. He just better understands my situation.
I am also struggling to locate a current membership. I think the case may be that I was MEANT to become a member, but didnt. I honestly had every intention to. I am very apologetic about this matter. Please accept my apologies.
Now if you could please just send a vehicle out to help, Ill be sure to sign up after. It looks as though there are now a flock of birds living in my car. Last time I accidentally left an open packet of chips on the back seat, and now they are feeding from them and there is poo everywhere. I am terrified of birds. Do you think you could send somebody out to scare away the birds and clean up the chips, then maybe I will run out there and get my street name and number for you?
Regards,
Tony
Hello,
My car is broken down at my house and I need somebody to come out and have a look at it. I think ive locked the keys in there.
Regards,
Tony
___________________________________________________________________
From Terry to Tony Smalls:
Hi Tony
To have a patrol call out and unlock your car you will have to be a member of the RAC to arrange a call or join RAC if you are not a member the cost will be Joining fee $36 standard membership fee for 1 year and charge for 1st call $100 total cost to join if you are a no member $219
Regards
Terry *****
RAC Motoring Advice
__________________________________________________________________
From Tony Smalls to Terry:
Terry,
I dont need you to call the police. No need for a patrol car. I just need somebody who works for you to come out and see what they can do. I am an RAC member, but im not too sure of my membership number. Can this be sorted out later?
How do we go about this? I need to have my car up and running again by Thursday for when I leave my house for the only time this month. I unfortunately suffer from Agoraphobia. Do you know what that is?
Regards,
Tony
__________________________________________________________________
Hi Tony as I stated in my email you have to be a paid up member of RAC for us to call out if you call 131111 and supply membership number or vehicle registration No that will bring up your membership no then once confirmed a fully paid up member of RAC the operator can arrange a call out to unlock you car
Regards
Terry *****
RAC Motoring Advice
__________________________________________________________________
From Tony Smalls to Terry:
Terry,
Well as my car is parked outside, I cannot get a licence plate number for you. Its parked behind a tree and cannot see it from the window. Maybe I will just have to pay the fee for a non RAC member. It even looks as though the rear left window could be open, but again, I am not sure.
Regards,
Tony
___________________________________________________________________
From Terry to Tony Smalls:
Hi Tony
We only call out if you are a member if you call 13 1111 the operator could check by your name and address
Regards
Terry *****
___________________________________________________________________
From Tony Smalls to Terry:
Terry,
As I have not been outside in a long while, im not entirely sure what my street number is. Is it possible to get somebody to drive around to my house to see what the number is on my letterbox? I will then have the required info to call your 13 1111 number.
Regards,
Tony
__________________________________________________________________
From Courtney to Tony Smalls:
Hello Mr Smalls,
Thank you for your email, I have noticed you are emailing from UK. You have contacted RAC Western Australia. If you require assistance from RAC UK then they will have a different website and contact details.
If you are requiring assistance from RAC Western Australia, we unfortunately will not be able to check your street number for you as our patrol service will attend to assist with your vehicle but we do require the address we are attending.
Please advise if it is RACWA that you require assistance from.
Regards,
Courtney ****
Customer Relations Specialist
___________________________________________________________________
From Tony Smalls to Courtney:
Courtney,
Where did Terry go? I want terry back!
It is definitely RACWA that I require assistance. I moved from the UK four years ago for reasons I would prefer not to discuss in this email. Something happened, it was a random attack, I had a baby, and well that is why I am now an Agoraphobiac. I assure you that I DO live in Western Australia.
As I have stated, I do not know my street address. Perhaps you could put me onto the phone of one of your RAC cars and I could direct them to my house?
Regards,
Tony
__________________________________________________________________
Hi Tony,
Apologies, Terry is in the technical advice department so I have taken over your query as I am in the membership roadside assistance department and will be better suited to help you. I have looked in our database and am having trouble locating a current or lapsed membership for you. Can you please provide me with what you do know of your street address so I can do another search on this?
As advised by Terry, you do need to be a member of RAC for us to provide you with assistance. We can organise a membership for you of which will need to be paid in full by credit card prior to us arranging for a patrol to assist you.
Is there a telephone number we can contact you on to discuss membership options?
Regards,
Courtney ****
Customer Relations Specialist
___________________________________________________________________
Court,
Am I able to be put back through to Terry? He was helping just fine. If not, then I guess you will do. He just better understands my situation.
I am also struggling to locate a current membership. I think the case may be that I was MEANT to become a member, but didnt. I honestly had every intention to. I am very apologetic about this matter. Please accept my apologies.
Now if you could please just send a vehicle out to help, Ill be sure to sign up after. It looks as though there are now a flock of birds living in my car. Last time I accidentally left an open packet of chips on the back seat, and now they are feeding from them and there is poo everywhere. I am terrified of birds. Do you think you could send somebody out to scare away the birds and clean up the chips, then maybe I will run out there and get my street name and number for you?
Regards,
Tony
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Road Trip 2
ORIGINAL AD:
Hi all, we are two Hong Kong guys (19yo & 26yo) heading to Adelaide on next Tuesday, Feb 16. We are going with our lovely Apollo Wagon which are now offering 2 more seats for those who are interested in joining our adventure!
So if you are willing to share the petrol cost & happiness with us, what are you still waiting for?! We are also planning to go along with another car, bigger group means more fun!!
We will go through Busselton, Margaret River, Denmark, Albany, Esperance, Nullabor, Port Lincoln, and finally Adelaide, probably in the 10st day.
Call or text us on 0422******* (Optus)
*Actual departure day can be adjusted to suit your situation. Let's talk with us now!
___________________________________________________________________
From Tony Smalls to Don:
Hello you there!!
Put me down for the ride. I want to go with you and your lovely apollo wagon. I had one once, and I made love in it numerous times.
If you would like me to come with you, I would feel honoured. Please contact me.
Regards,
Tony B. Smalls. xx
___________________________________________________________________
From Don to Tony Smalls:
Hey Tony, do u have a mobile number? It would be better to contact u in that way. BTW, we have changed the departure date to 16 Feb morning, Tuesday, as requested by another car whose we are going with. Do u mind that? cheers. Don
___________________________________________________________________
From Tony Smalls to Don:
Don the man,
I do not have a mobile phone. A pelican stole it a week ago in Mandurah. Pretty annoyed about that. Do you have beef with pelicans at all? Because if you do, and we see one on the way, do you think we could gang up on it? Teach it a lesson?
16 Feb in the morning couldnt be more perfect for me. Im just looking to have an absolutely fantastic time and getting CRUNK!!!! Do you drink alcohol? We are going to have the best time.
Looking forward in anticipation of a great roadtrip,
Tony Smalls
___________________________________________________________________
From Don to Tony Smalls:
Hey Tony,
i feel sorry about that...my mobile number is 0422814240, just in case u wanna call me...i just got one more guy riding with us, and going to meet him at 10am next morning, at the Britannia Backpacker on William St. We are gonna talk about what to buy and what to play along the road. If u see this message, would u come too? or we will meet each other at a later time.
i am not good at alcohol, but of course i will drink with u guys along the road, when i m not driving! DON
___________________________________________________________________
From Tony Smalls to Don:
Is Don. Is good,
I dont appreciate your lack of sympathy about my phone. I went into a deep depression for 3 days after and had to check myself into Greylands Mental Facility. I broke out on Thursday.
I really dont have time to meet up. I dont stay in one spot for more than 30mins. Life is hard on the run. So id prefer we just stick to email until the departure date. OOO I have a couple of requests for what to play on the road! Britney Spears and Miley Cyrus please :-). And we should buy 3 cartons of VB and just two of Emu Bitter.
Why will you not drink when you're driving? I will. I'll do it for the team!
Regards,
Tony Smalls
___________________________________________________________________
From Don to Tony Smalls:
Is Tony. Is good too. i really feel sorry about that, hope this trip can help u forget that pain! Where r u staying now? i really prefer meeting in person~ hopefully tomo.? 30 mins is more than enough. we will plug our iPhone into the car, so u may play anything u want, just download into our iPhone! BTW, we will altogether have a gathering lunch on monday! Everyone must come~ Will let u know the time and place later. Looking forward to yr confirmation! Cheers.
___________________________________________________________________
From Tony Smalls to Don:
Donna,
I hope it helps me forget the pain too. Im kind of all over the place now. I cant go home because the authorities are staking my place out. So just wherever really. Last night i found a hammock in somebodys backyard, so I made that my bed.
I have an ipod and id really appreciate if we play that instead. No offense, but my music is best. I also have some 'hello kitty' car seat covers we can use.
Lunch is a good idea. I havent eaten in days. The last time was when i managed to break into the back of coles supermarket and get some bananas. Why are all the best foods shaped like penises?! I would really like it if you can give me and time and place then, at the last minute, change it to something different. The men who are after me wont know how to trace us then.
Regards,
Tony B. Smalls
___________________________________________________________________
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Fax Through Time
THIS IS IN REPLY TO AN ADVERTISEMENT FOR A FAX MACHINE
_____________________________________________________________
From Issey to Tony Smalls:
Hey,
Thanks for the email. Do you want to come down to see the fax machine?
cheers,
Issey
___________________________________________________________________
From Tony Smalls to Issey:
Hello My good lady,
I am very keen to get down and take a look at the fax machine. Fortunatley i only need a select few parts from it and will give you a top price for them.
Are you happy selling just a few parts?
Good wishes,
Prof. Tony Smalls
___________________________________________________________________
From Issey to Tony Smalls:
Hi Tony,
Im a guy. lol. I am alrite with that. Just let me know when u wanna come down and i will make myself free on that day. My phone number is 0430******
Cheers,
Issey
___________________________________________________________________
From Tony Smalls to Issey:
My deepest apologies issey, has I known I would be have been much more gracious (women can be so difficult sometimes!)
Yes I would loveeeee to come meet you. Perhaps we could meet over a glass of fine wine?
The parts I have been chasing for a long time. They should finally complete my masterpiece.
Love Tony
___________________________________________________________________
From Issey to Tony Smalls:
Haha. Its okaye. We all make mistakes. Come over to my place to check out the parts. What are the parts that u are looking for anyway? Are you free tmr in the morning? Say at 10pm? My address is 42 ******** St, ******** WA 6009. Opp UWA. Ouut of curiosity, May i know what are "inventing" or masterpiece?
Lol. Hope to hear from you soon Tony.
Cheers
Issey
___________________________________________________________________
From Tony Smalls to Issey:
Hey issey,
Your place sounds great. Tommorrow i'm a little busy but perhaps sometime at the weekend? I'll bring over a bottle of wine and mean girls and well make a little night of it.
What do you think the invention is? It's a buy secret but I could give you some clues?
Love Tony-baby
___________________________________________________________________
From Issey to Tony Smalls:
Yup. Weekend should be fine. But, im meeting my frens in the evening. probably will get home late. Hpw bout in the morning? Anyway, i dun take alcohol drinks.
Maybe if u want, we can get grab a bite at a kebab restauran near my place. Hahh. Honestly, I have no idea what are u making. Hahh. Maybe u should tell me more about urself.
Cheers,
Issey
___________________________________________________________________
From Tony Smalls to Issey:
Well let's just say, with this little machine, I could go back and take you out for dinner a long time ago. Any guesses?
___________________________________________________________________
From Issey to Tony Smalls:
lol. I have no idea what are u trying to say. U can make a machine which could bring u back to the past? hahh... Or are u pulling my legs?
___________________________________________________________________
From Tony Smalls to Issey:
A time machine silly. And once it's finished, you and I shall travel time together foreverrrrrr
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Massage
ORIGINAL AD:
i'm really wanting a massage from another guy (i'm a guy) and would love both of us to be totally starkers. not anythin weird just body contact. any fit young guys interested? could make it worth something...
___________________________________________________________________
Hello,
I am very keen to give massage. My last boyfriend say I very fit. Please let me know if you want me to touch you.
Excited,
Tony Smalls
___________________________________________________________________
Hi Tony. Thanks for your email. Cam you let me know how old you are?
Do you have A pic at all?
___________________________________________________________________
Hi,
What is you name?
For you, I can be what age you want me to be. However, I currently 23.
Yes I do have a pic. Thank for asking. Do you?
Regards,
Tony
__________________________________________________________________
hi tony. My name is Paul. I do have a pic but not here with me as I am at work. What would u be after from this?
___________________________________________________________________
Paul,
You sound like very nice person. After from this, I would be 21. I can never be over 30. I like 26. Nice number. Where you work?
Can I give you massage?
Tony
___________________________________________________________________
So if you're 23 you're 23. You can't be another age.
Where I work isn't really that important.
So what would you be expecting if you were going to give me a massage?
Would you please tell me what you look like or, preferably, send a pic.
Also can I ask what background you are from?
Thanks
___________________________________________________________________.
Yes currently 23. But sometimes I more and sometimes I less. It what you would like.
Work isnt very important. I just wanted to know what you do for living. I am Australian. But my uncle is from Beijing I think. Me dont really know. I guess there some Asian in me. There can be Asian in you too if you would like? Or not. Only if you like that sort of thing. I dont know.
I also do not have picture. I also at work. However my freind say I look like dad. And many people say he looks like famous man. You may know him. Here is picture.
Tony
__________________________________________________________________
ok so ur a smartass hey? Nice
have a good one
__________________________________________________________________
I do not understand? Have a good one what?
I say i do not have a picture. So i just try to find something for you. Sorry if it offend. But when i get home i can send picture.
Can i still massage?
Tony
___________________________________________________________________
Let's talk about it later. I still don't even know what you want from it.
___________________________________________________________________
When is later?
I want to give you massage. That is what I want. This is what you ask for?
I will not lie to you. I gay. So if curious I can help. But if no, that is okay. I am very happy to just massage you and see what happen. Are you curious?
Tony
Monday, February 1, 2010
Car For Sale
ORIGINAL AD:
You will be hard pressed to find this model at this price, we have already reduced from $5k, we just need to sell urgently.
Rego Until May'10
Air Cond - New compressor Jan 2010
Power Steer
Auto
Dual Air Bags
ABS
Trac Control
Tint Windows
SS Rear Spoiler
Good Tyres
New radiator 2009
__________________________________________________________________
From: tonysmalls@live.com.au
G'day mate, Im very interested. I need the alternator and the front bumper urgently. And you need an urgent sale. Can we agree a price for this?
Regards,
Tony Smalls
__________________________________________________________________
From: the********@iinet.net.au
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Subject: RE: Reply to your "VT 98 Holden Commodore ACCLAIM" Ad on Gumtree
Date: Mon, 1 Feb 2010 20:22:32 +0800
Its $4k if you want the whole thing mate, too good of condition to sell for parts!!!
__________________________________________________________________
From: Tony Smalls [mailto:tonysmalls@live.com.au]
Sent: Monday, 1 February 2010 8:35 PM
To: the********@iinet.net.au
Subject: RE: Reply to your "VT 98 Holden Commodore ACCLAIM" Ad on Gumtree
I understand its in good condition. But I really only need an alternator and front bumper. If I give you $400 for both of them, then you just sell the car for $3600 and you still have your asking price. Perhaps I can offer to buy the centre console too? Mine is a bit damaged and has some 'juices of love' stains. Got a bit rowdy one night with some girl I met!
Regards,
Tony Smalls
___________________________________________________________________
From: the********@iinet.net.au
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Subject: RE: Reply to your "VT 98 Holden Commodore ACCLAIM" Ad on Gumtree
Date: Mon, 1 Feb 2010 20:44:26 +0800
???? What, sell my parts to you and then sell a car for $3600 that will not work cos it is missing parts, seriously mate, do you really think I would!! Call a wreckers!!!!
___________________________________________________________________
From: Tony Smalls [mailto:tonysmalls@live.com.au]
Sent: Monday, 1 February 2010 9:00 PM
To: the********@iinet.net.au
Subject: RE: Reply to your "VT 98 Holden Commodore ACCLAIM" Ad on Gumtree
Yeh thats what I expect. Im sure the next owner will appreciate the discounted price for the car. Ill offer $500 for all three parts. That means you can advertise the car for $3500.
When can I come pick the parts up mate? I havent caught your name yet?
Regards,
Tony
___________________________________________________________________
From: the********@iinet.net.au
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Subject: RE: Reply to your "VT 98 Holden Commodore ACCLAIM" Ad on Gumtree
Date: Mon, 1 Feb 2010 21:03:21 +0800
Seriously, I am not going to sell you any parts off my car. Do you not get it!!!
__________________________________________________________________
From: Tony Smalls [mailto:tonysmalls@live.com.au]
Sent: Monday, 1 February 2010 9:09 PM
To: the********@iinet.net.au
Subject: RE: Reply to your "VT 98 Holden Commodore ACCLAIM" Ad on Gumtree
Obviously $500 isnt enough. Does $550 persuade you? I need these parts. And i dont think the next owner will care if it doesnt have a front bumper, its barely even recognisable. Just find a woman buyer or something.
I guess I could just buy the whole car, get the parts, then sell it for $3500. Will you buy it back off me?
Regards,
Tony
__________________________________________________________________
From: the********@iinet.net.au
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Subject: RE: Reply to your "VT 98 Holden Commodore ACCLAIM" Ad on Gumtree
Date: Mon, 1 Feb 2010 21:14:37 +0800
Mate you really are a dum fuck! Piss off!
__________________________________________________________________
From: Tony Smalls [mailto:tonysmalls@live.com.au]
Sent: Monday, 1 February 2010 9:25 PM
To: the********@iinet.net.au
Subject: RE: Reply to your "VT 98 Holden Commodore ACCLAIM" Ad on Gumtree
Ahh I see. Typical Australian male intelligence. You're a smart one! What are you buying now? Another 'fully sick' commodore? Because I know somebody thats selling a Gen III VY if you're interested?
How about when I buy these parts off you, I throw in that girls number? The one i was talking about before that damaged my centre console. Shes a stunner!
Regards,
Tony
__________________________________________________________________
From: the********@iinet.net.au
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Subject: RE: Reply to your "VT 98 Holden Commodore ACCLAIM" Ad on Gumtree
Date: Mon, 1 Feb 2010 22:24:18 +0800
Hey fuck ya, you really are a fuckin idiot!!! Mate you make me fucking laugh with your style of thinking, fuck me you are an arse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
___________________________________________________________________
From: Tony Smalls [mailto:tonysmalls@live.com.au]
Sent: Monday, 1 February 2010 10:35 PM
To: the********@iinet.net.au
Subject: RE: Reply to your "VT 98 Holden Commodore ACCLAIM" Ad on Gumtree
Bogan overload. Bogan overload. Bogan overload.
Alright. Ill take the full engine too. Ill give you four grand for everything. Front bumper, centre console and the complete engine. And i'll call the girl tomorrow and set-up a date. She only costs $200.
I need these parts for my Audi A4 Quattro. I will whack the engine in, then supercharge it, and away she goes!
Regards,
Tony Smalls
___________________________________________________________________
From: the********@iinet.net.au
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Subject: RE: Reply to your "VT 98 Holden Commodore ACCLAIM" Ad on Gumtree
Date: Mon, 1 Feb 2010 22:47:18 +0800
“Foutre le camp” if you are intelligent to know who to read French, but with your mentality I doubt it
__________________________________________________________________
From: Tony Smalls [mailto:tonysmalls@live.com.au]
Sent: Monday, 1 February 2010 11:00 PM
To: the********@iinet.net.au
Subject: RE: Reply to your "VT 98 Holden Commodore ACCLAIM" Ad on Gumtree
Telling me to fuck off in a different language. Wow. Surprise after surprise.
I dont think you read my last email. Ill give you the four grand you are after...What do you say? $4500 maybe? I desperately need these parts.
If you continue to refuse my offers, Im just letting you know that I am a ninja.
Regards,
Tony B. Smalls
___________________________________________________________________
From: the********@iinet.net.au
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Subject: RE: Reply to your "VT 98 Holden Commodore ACCLAIM" Ad on Gumtree
Date: Mon, 1 Feb 2010 23:06:41 +0800
You really are a dickhead.......yeah sure mate you really want the car, wow, I really really believe you....now I am bored, little things bore me and hey you are Mr SMALLS after all, I bet that is why you spruik like you do about this fantasy sex life you “apparently” have, yawn yawn
Bye little man
___________________________________________________________________
From:Tony Smalls (tonysmalls@live.com.au)
Sent:Tuesday, 2 February 2010 1:45:18 AM
To: the********@iinet.net.au
No I do not want the car. I want the parts. The Alternator, front bumper, centre console and the full engine. Ill give you $4500 for it. You can have the rest of the car.
We need to arrange a pickup/drop off. I suggest I leave a briefcase somewhere and you leave the keys somewhere, with the parts at a mutual location. Once we are both happy with the transaction, I will then be free to collect the parts. Does this sound like a good plan to you?
Ive offered this girl to you and you continually turn her down. So you're obviously gay. But thats okay. I am certainly not one to judge people. Im all for gay marriage.
Regards,
Tony
You will be hard pressed to find this model at this price, we have already reduced from $5k, we just need to sell urgently.
Rego Until May'10
Air Cond - New compressor Jan 2010
Power Steer
Auto
Dual Air Bags
ABS
Trac Control
Tint Windows
SS Rear Spoiler
Good Tyres
New radiator 2009
__________________________________________________________________
From: tonysmalls@live.com.au
G'day mate, Im very interested. I need the alternator and the front bumper urgently. And you need an urgent sale. Can we agree a price for this?
Regards,
Tony Smalls
__________________________________________________________________
From: the********@iinet.net.au
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Subject: RE: Reply to your "VT 98 Holden Commodore ACCLAIM" Ad on Gumtree
Date: Mon, 1 Feb 2010 20:22:32 +0800
Its $4k if you want the whole thing mate, too good of condition to sell for parts!!!
__________________________________________________________________
From: Tony Smalls [mailto:tonysmalls@live.com.au]
Sent: Monday, 1 February 2010 8:35 PM
To: the********@iinet.net.au
Subject: RE: Reply to your "VT 98 Holden Commodore ACCLAIM" Ad on Gumtree
I understand its in good condition. But I really only need an alternator and front bumper. If I give you $400 for both of them, then you just sell the car for $3600 and you still have your asking price. Perhaps I can offer to buy the centre console too? Mine is a bit damaged and has some 'juices of love' stains. Got a bit rowdy one night with some girl I met!
Regards,
Tony Smalls
___________________________________________________________________
From: the********@iinet.net.au
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Subject: RE: Reply to your "VT 98 Holden Commodore ACCLAIM" Ad on Gumtree
Date: Mon, 1 Feb 2010 20:44:26 +0800
???? What, sell my parts to you and then sell a car for $3600 that will not work cos it is missing parts, seriously mate, do you really think I would!! Call a wreckers!!!!
___________________________________________________________________
From: Tony Smalls [mailto:tonysmalls@live.com.au]
Sent: Monday, 1 February 2010 9:00 PM
To: the********@iinet.net.au
Subject: RE: Reply to your "VT 98 Holden Commodore ACCLAIM" Ad on Gumtree
Yeh thats what I expect. Im sure the next owner will appreciate the discounted price for the car. Ill offer $500 for all three parts. That means you can advertise the car for $3500.
When can I come pick the parts up mate? I havent caught your name yet?
Regards,
Tony
___________________________________________________________________
From: the********@iinet.net.au
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Subject: RE: Reply to your "VT 98 Holden Commodore ACCLAIM" Ad on Gumtree
Date: Mon, 1 Feb 2010 21:03:21 +0800
Seriously, I am not going to sell you any parts off my car. Do you not get it!!!
__________________________________________________________________
From: Tony Smalls [mailto:tonysmalls@live.com.au]
Sent: Monday, 1 February 2010 9:09 PM
To: the********@iinet.net.au
Subject: RE: Reply to your "VT 98 Holden Commodore ACCLAIM" Ad on Gumtree
Obviously $500 isnt enough. Does $550 persuade you? I need these parts. And i dont think the next owner will care if it doesnt have a front bumper, its barely even recognisable. Just find a woman buyer or something.
I guess I could just buy the whole car, get the parts, then sell it for $3500. Will you buy it back off me?
Regards,
Tony
__________________________________________________________________
From: the********@iinet.net.au
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Subject: RE: Reply to your "VT 98 Holden Commodore ACCLAIM" Ad on Gumtree
Date: Mon, 1 Feb 2010 21:14:37 +0800
Mate you really are a dum fuck! Piss off!
__________________________________________________________________
From: Tony Smalls [mailto:tonysmalls@live.com.au]
Sent: Monday, 1 February 2010 9:25 PM
To: the********@iinet.net.au
Subject: RE: Reply to your "VT 98 Holden Commodore ACCLAIM" Ad on Gumtree
Ahh I see. Typical Australian male intelligence. You're a smart one! What are you buying now? Another 'fully sick' commodore? Because I know somebody thats selling a Gen III VY if you're interested?
How about when I buy these parts off you, I throw in that girls number? The one i was talking about before that damaged my centre console. Shes a stunner!
Regards,
Tony
__________________________________________________________________
From: the********@iinet.net.au
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Subject: RE: Reply to your "VT 98 Holden Commodore ACCLAIM" Ad on Gumtree
Date: Mon, 1 Feb 2010 22:24:18 +0800
Hey fuck ya, you really are a fuckin idiot!!! Mate you make me fucking laugh with your style of thinking, fuck me you are an arse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
___________________________________________________________________
From: Tony Smalls [mailto:tonysmalls@live.com.au]
Sent: Monday, 1 February 2010 10:35 PM
To: the********@iinet.net.au
Subject: RE: Reply to your "VT 98 Holden Commodore ACCLAIM" Ad on Gumtree
Bogan overload. Bogan overload. Bogan overload.
Alright. Ill take the full engine too. Ill give you four grand for everything. Front bumper, centre console and the complete engine. And i'll call the girl tomorrow and set-up a date. She only costs $200.
I need these parts for my Audi A4 Quattro. I will whack the engine in, then supercharge it, and away she goes!
Regards,
Tony Smalls
___________________________________________________________________
From: the********@iinet.net.au
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Subject: RE: Reply to your "VT 98 Holden Commodore ACCLAIM" Ad on Gumtree
Date: Mon, 1 Feb 2010 22:47:18 +0800
“Foutre le camp” if you are intelligent to know who to read French, but with your mentality I doubt it
__________________________________________________________________
From: Tony Smalls [mailto:tonysmalls@live.com.au]
Sent: Monday, 1 February 2010 11:00 PM
To: the********@iinet.net.au
Subject: RE: Reply to your "VT 98 Holden Commodore ACCLAIM" Ad on Gumtree
Telling me to fuck off in a different language. Wow. Surprise after surprise.
I dont think you read my last email. Ill give you the four grand you are after...What do you say? $4500 maybe? I desperately need these parts.
If you continue to refuse my offers, Im just letting you know that I am a ninja.
Regards,
Tony B. Smalls
___________________________________________________________________
From: the********@iinet.net.au
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Subject: RE: Reply to your "VT 98 Holden Commodore ACCLAIM" Ad on Gumtree
Date: Mon, 1 Feb 2010 23:06:41 +0800
You really are a dickhead.......yeah sure mate you really want the car, wow, I really really believe you....now I am bored, little things bore me and hey you are Mr SMALLS after all, I bet that is why you spruik like you do about this fantasy sex life you “apparently” have, yawn yawn
Bye little man
___________________________________________________________________
From:Tony Smalls (tonysmalls@live.com.au)
Sent:Tuesday, 2 February 2010 1:45:18 AM
To: the********@iinet.net.au
No I do not want the car. I want the parts. The Alternator, front bumper, centre console and the full engine. Ill give you $4500 for it. You can have the rest of the car.
We need to arrange a pickup/drop off. I suggest I leave a briefcase somewhere and you leave the keys somewhere, with the parts at a mutual location. Once we are both happy with the transaction, I will then be free to collect the parts. Does this sound like a good plan to you?
Ive offered this girl to you and you continually turn her down. So you're obviously gay. But thats okay. I am certainly not one to judge people. Im all for gay marriage.
Regards,
Tony
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Back2TheFuture
IN RESPONSE TO AN AD FOR A HORSE
_____________________________________________________________
From: david_rooney1@hotmail.com
To: tl.*******@live.com
Subject: RE: solid paint mare
Date: Fri, 29 Jan 2010 11:12:01 +1030
Hi lindara,
I don't currently have access to a phone but I just have a few questions. Is the horse in a healthy condition, as this is crucial to my plans. Also has the horse ever been to Russia or Norway?
Regards
David Rooney
___________________________________________________________________
From: tl.*******@live.com
To: david_rooney1@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: solid paint mare
Date: Fri, 29 Jan 2010 11:37:11 +1030
hi david the horse is in health condition ,never been out off australia.the horse is at branxton .nsw
___________________________________________________________________
From: david_rooney1@hotmail.com
To: tl.*******@live.com
Subject: RE: solid paint mare
Date: Fri, 29 Jan 2010 13:06:12 +1030
Hi Lindara,
Ok good health is good news to me! Especially if hes going to be with me for 60 years!. Never out of Australia, have you ever taken it up into the snow mountains in Melbourne? See it's quite critical that the horse can survive long winters and freezing conditions.
Any help with these questions would be greatly appreciated.
Regards
David Rooney
__________________________________________________________________
From: tl.*******@live.com
To: david_rooney1@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: solid paint mare
Date: Fri, 29 Jan 2010 13:29:53 +1030
hi david she gets fat on a snif of grass so i think she be a great horse to go to the snows i havent had a chance to get down to the snows this last year ,but she was born in mountains near mudgee she live there for 3 yrs i have only had her here in the hunter for 12 months .very shore footed horse lindsay
__________________________________________________________________
From: david_rooney1@hotmail.com
To: tl.*******@live.com
Subject: RE: solid paint mare.
Date: Fri, 29 Jan 2010 13:38:01 +1030
Hi Lindara,
Oh great she was born in the snow. That's GREAT news. I cant tell you how relieved i am. See i am planning to freeze myself until 2070, and i wanted to take some piece of our history with me to the future. I thought what better piece than a horse! Imagine, this. Theres hover cars everywhere and i'm riding down the highway on a horse! I will get some very strange looks but i can tell you now, i cant wait.
So what price would you be looking at?
Regards
David Rooney
___________________________________________________________________
From: tl.*******@live.com
To: david_rooney1@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: solid paint mare
Date: Fri, 29 Jan 2010 14:10:04 +1030
hi david im ask $3500 for her
__________________________________________________________________
From: david_rooney1@hotmail.com
To: tl.*******@live.com
Subject: RE: solid paint mare
Date: Fri, 29 Jan 2010 14:15:46 +1030
Lindara,
You ask a good price. For this, i feel inclined to invite you on my journey into the future. I will be like michale J Fox in back2thefuture, the horse will be the delorien, and you my good lady will be the mad scientist. What say you??! Come freeze with me and together we shall enter the future!
David
__________________________________________________________________
From: tl.*******@live.com
To: david_rooney1@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: solid paint mare
Date: Fri, 29 Jan 2010 15:12:41 +1030
all you have done is wasted my time you idiot thanks for nothing dont bother contacting me again thanks
_____________________________________________________________
From: david_rooney1@hotmail.com
To: tl.*******@live.com
Subject: RE: solid paint mare
Date: Fri, 29 Jan 2010 11:12:01 +1030
Hi lindara,
I don't currently have access to a phone but I just have a few questions. Is the horse in a healthy condition, as this is crucial to my plans. Also has the horse ever been to Russia or Norway?
Regards
David Rooney
___________________________________________________________________
From: tl.*******@live.com
To: david_rooney1@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: solid paint mare
Date: Fri, 29 Jan 2010 11:37:11 +1030
hi david the horse is in health condition ,never been out off australia.the horse is at branxton .nsw
___________________________________________________________________
From: david_rooney1@hotmail.com
To: tl.*******@live.com
Subject: RE: solid paint mare
Date: Fri, 29 Jan 2010 13:06:12 +1030
Hi Lindara,
Ok good health is good news to me! Especially if hes going to be with me for 60 years!. Never out of Australia, have you ever taken it up into the snow mountains in Melbourne? See it's quite critical that the horse can survive long winters and freezing conditions.
Any help with these questions would be greatly appreciated.
Regards
David Rooney
__________________________________________________________________
From: tl.*******@live.com
To: david_rooney1@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: solid paint mare
Date: Fri, 29 Jan 2010 13:29:53 +1030
hi david she gets fat on a snif of grass so i think she be a great horse to go to the snows i havent had a chance to get down to the snows this last year ,but she was born in mountains near mudgee she live there for 3 yrs i have only had her here in the hunter for 12 months .very shore footed horse lindsay
__________________________________________________________________
From: david_rooney1@hotmail.com
To: tl.*******@live.com
Subject: RE: solid paint mare.
Date: Fri, 29 Jan 2010 13:38:01 +1030
Hi Lindara,
Oh great she was born in the snow. That's GREAT news. I cant tell you how relieved i am. See i am planning to freeze myself until 2070, and i wanted to take some piece of our history with me to the future. I thought what better piece than a horse! Imagine, this. Theres hover cars everywhere and i'm riding down the highway on a horse! I will get some very strange looks but i can tell you now, i cant wait.
So what price would you be looking at?
Regards
David Rooney
___________________________________________________________________
From: tl.*******@live.com
To: david_rooney1@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: solid paint mare
Date: Fri, 29 Jan 2010 14:10:04 +1030
hi david im ask $3500 for her
__________________________________________________________________
From: david_rooney1@hotmail.com
To: tl.*******@live.com
Subject: RE: solid paint mare
Date: Fri, 29 Jan 2010 14:15:46 +1030
Lindara,
You ask a good price. For this, i feel inclined to invite you on my journey into the future. I will be like michale J Fox in back2thefuture, the horse will be the delorien, and you my good lady will be the mad scientist. What say you??! Come freeze with me and together we shall enter the future!
David
__________________________________________________________________
From: tl.*******@live.com
To: david_rooney1@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: solid paint mare
Date: Fri, 29 Jan 2010 15:12:41 +1030
all you have done is wasted my time you idiot thanks for nothing dont bother contacting me again thanks
Costume Hire
From: Tony Smalls [mailto:tonysmalls@live.com.au]
Sent: Wednesday, 27 January 2010 12:33 PM
To: *******@character*********.com
Subject: Costume
Hello,
I am just wondering if you have any ninja costumes? Because, unbeknown to you, I am a ninja.
Regards,
Tony B. Smalls
___________________________________________________________________
From: *******@character*********.com
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Subject: RE: Costume
Date: Wed, 27 Jan 2010 16:23:53 +0800
Hi Tony
We have several Ninja costumes in our store, availability depends on the date you require the costume. If you look under the heading of ‘Country of Origin’ on our website you will see two ninja’s. The Ninja deluxe warrior is a fabulous costume and is currently avail this weekend. If you wish to speak with us please call on the number below.
Kind regards,
Character **********
_________________________________________________________________
From: Tony Smalls [mailto:tonysmalls@live.com.au]
Sent: Wednesday, 27 January 2010 4:42 PM
To: *******@character*********.com
Subject: RE: Costume
Yes, well as I have previously stated, I am a ninja. So i just need a costume so people will recognise that. It will also serve as a warning to people not to get in my way, because they might just wake up dead the next day. Out of curiosity, are they only available for hire? Or can they be purchased? Im sure you would understand, a ninja is a ninja 24/7.
The ninja deluxe warrior looks good. Im not going to lie. But I am the best, and need the best. Do you have a Native Delux Bam-Bam All-Out Warrior Shemale Ninja costume by any chance? If not, ill just settle for the ninja deluxe warrior.
What is rough pricing on these? For hire and purchasing.
Thanking you,
Tony
__________________________________________________________________
From: *******@character*********.com
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Subject: RE: Costume
Date: Thu, 28 Jan 2010 10:24:51 +0800
Hi Tony
We are a hire company and therefore do not sell our costumes, however, you could probably purchase one from the U.S. with a little research. The deluxe ninja I mentioned from our website is our best Ninja (my personal opinion, although, it does have gold trim and dragon detail also in gold. I’m not sure just how stealth that would be.) To hire said Ninja it would cost you $70 per hire with a $50 bond.
Kind regards,
Character **********
___________________________________________________________________
From: Tony Smalls [mailto:tonysmalls@live.com.au]
Sent: Thursday, 28 January 2010 10:50 AM
To: *******@character*********.com
Subject: RE: Costume
Can I please be able to put a name to these emails? You already know my name. I think its only fair. However, i think your name is Stephanie. Correct me if I'm wrong.
Im sure for the right price you'd be willing to sell a costume? Unfortunately I do not want to go offshore to buy my ninja costume. I am a big fan of Australian made products. That's why I dont wear Bonds anymore. As soon as i heard they were going offshore, I punched a hole in my door. Bunch of wankers.
I believe it when you say it is your best costume. Can you track any others down by any chance? You need not worry about stealth, that is my number one attribute. Im using it right now, and you dont even know it. As for the gold trim and gold dragon detail, a true ninja would know how to use that to their advantage. I'll give you a tip. Jewellery shop. Enough said.
So all up it would cost me $120? You say for hire only. What if i was to maybe, hire it, forever? Is this possible?
Regards,
T. Smalls
__________________________________________________________________
From: *******@character*********.com
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Subject: RE: Costume
Date: Thu, 28 Jan 2010 11:33:52 +0800
Hi Tony
It saddens me to tell you that our costumes are purchased abroad and very few are Australian made, please don’t punch any doors, you may hurt yourself. We do not hire indefinitely, however, I can ask the powers that be if they would order you in a costume to purchase from us. We seldom sell ex-hire costumes and considering the Ninja is quite new we would not be selling him any time soon. I can not at this time give you a price for a new costume as these things require research from our fearless leader.
The total cost of hiring the ninja is $120, although, you get your $50 bond back if the costume comes back undamaged. The hire cost is over a 4 day period (Thurs – Mon) however if you only needed it for one night the cost is still the same.
Kind regards,
Av
Character **********
__________________________________________________________________
From: Tony Smalls [mailto:tonysmalls@live.com.au]
Sent: Thursday, 28 January 2010 12:32 PM
To: *******@character*********.com
Subject: RE: Costume
Gavin? Is your name Gavin?
Firstly, it saddens me to tell you that I will not hurt myself punching a door. The door is the only one that gets injured. When Tony Smalls punches a door. Tony Smalls doesnt get hurt. The door gets ninja'd. Now you remember that, and you will live a very long life. Chuck Norris stole all the jokes about me, and made them about him. Because thats what he is. He is a joke.
When you say you need your fearless leader to do some research, I sit here (whilst doing 620 push-ups and 980 situps, all at the same time) making the assumption that I am just talking to some inferior little wanna-be. If this is the case, the conversation stops here. I am the best and im insulted that i do not get the best in return. Since when does the worlds best ninja associate with these people.
I demand to speak to your 'fearless' leader. This will break your heart, but whoever it is, they wont be fearless after they have met me.
Outraged,
Tony B. Smalls
__________________________________________________________________
From: *******@character*********.com
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Subject: RE: Costume
Date: Thu, 28 Jan 2010 14:19:49 +0800
Hi Tony
I'm sorry you feel that way, unfortunately, our boss has 3 shops and travels constantly between locations and thus is not here to answer emails. It is part of my job, however, it is not my job to give quotes and false promises to delusional Ninja's. If you would like to order a costume to purchase let me know and I will organise a quote for you. Alternatively if you would like to hire our Deluxe Ninja costume please feel free to call us on the number below to make a booking.
My name is not Stephanie or Gavin. It is Aiveen, however, sometimes other staff members attend to the emails.
Kind regards,
Character **********
__________________________________________________________________
From:Tony Smalls (tonysmalls@live.com.au)
Sent:Thursday, 28 January 2010 5:49:16 PM
To: *******@character*********.com
Ohhh. I was SO close with gavin! I was going to say Aiveen. That was my next guess.
For your information, I am far from delusional. The emails stop here unless I speak with your Grand Master. Then I can defeat him and be your boss. I will then proceed to fire you. Because a ninja doesnt need help running three stores simultaneously. I will then re-employ you to clean up all the bodies of people who get in my way.
Remember the name, Tony Smalls.
Regards,
Tony B. Smalls
___________________________________________________________________
From:********** (*******@character*********.com)
Sent:Friday, 29 January 2010 12:35:55 PM
To: 'Tony Smalls' (tonysmalls@live.com.au)
Ok Tony
Thankyou for the giggles. From everyone at **********, good luck on your quest!
Kind regards,
Character **********
Sent: Wednesday, 27 January 2010 12:33 PM
To: *******@character*********.com
Subject: Costume
Hello,
I am just wondering if you have any ninja costumes? Because, unbeknown to you, I am a ninja.
Regards,
Tony B. Smalls
___________________________________________________________________
From: *******@character*********.com
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Subject: RE: Costume
Date: Wed, 27 Jan 2010 16:23:53 +0800
Hi Tony
We have several Ninja costumes in our store, availability depends on the date you require the costume. If you look under the heading of ‘Country of Origin’ on our website you will see two ninja’s. The Ninja deluxe warrior is a fabulous costume and is currently avail this weekend. If you wish to speak with us please call on the number below.
Kind regards,
Character **********
_________________________________________________________________
From: Tony Smalls [mailto:tonysmalls@live.com.au]
Sent: Wednesday, 27 January 2010 4:42 PM
To: *******@character*********.com
Subject: RE: Costume
Yes, well as I have previously stated, I am a ninja. So i just need a costume so people will recognise that. It will also serve as a warning to people not to get in my way, because they might just wake up dead the next day. Out of curiosity, are they only available for hire? Or can they be purchased? Im sure you would understand, a ninja is a ninja 24/7.
The ninja deluxe warrior looks good. Im not going to lie. But I am the best, and need the best. Do you have a Native Delux Bam-Bam All-Out Warrior Shemale Ninja costume by any chance? If not, ill just settle for the ninja deluxe warrior.
What is rough pricing on these? For hire and purchasing.
Thanking you,
Tony
__________________________________________________________________
From: *******@character*********.com
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Subject: RE: Costume
Date: Thu, 28 Jan 2010 10:24:51 +0800
Hi Tony
We are a hire company and therefore do not sell our costumes, however, you could probably purchase one from the U.S. with a little research. The deluxe ninja I mentioned from our website is our best Ninja (my personal opinion, although, it does have gold trim and dragon detail also in gold. I’m not sure just how stealth that would be.) To hire said Ninja it would cost you $70 per hire with a $50 bond.
Kind regards,
Character **********
___________________________________________________________________
From: Tony Smalls [mailto:tonysmalls@live.com.au]
Sent: Thursday, 28 January 2010 10:50 AM
To: *******@character*********.com
Subject: RE: Costume
Can I please be able to put a name to these emails? You already know my name. I think its only fair. However, i think your name is Stephanie. Correct me if I'm wrong.
Im sure for the right price you'd be willing to sell a costume? Unfortunately I do not want to go offshore to buy my ninja costume. I am a big fan of Australian made products. That's why I dont wear Bonds anymore. As soon as i heard they were going offshore, I punched a hole in my door. Bunch of wankers.
I believe it when you say it is your best costume. Can you track any others down by any chance? You need not worry about stealth, that is my number one attribute. Im using it right now, and you dont even know it. As for the gold trim and gold dragon detail, a true ninja would know how to use that to their advantage. I'll give you a tip. Jewellery shop. Enough said.
So all up it would cost me $120? You say for hire only. What if i was to maybe, hire it, forever? Is this possible?
Regards,
T. Smalls
__________________________________________________________________
From: *******@character*********.com
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Subject: RE: Costume
Date: Thu, 28 Jan 2010 11:33:52 +0800
Hi Tony
It saddens me to tell you that our costumes are purchased abroad and very few are Australian made, please don’t punch any doors, you may hurt yourself. We do not hire indefinitely, however, I can ask the powers that be if they would order you in a costume to purchase from us. We seldom sell ex-hire costumes and considering the Ninja is quite new we would not be selling him any time soon. I can not at this time give you a price for a new costume as these things require research from our fearless leader.
The total cost of hiring the ninja is $120, although, you get your $50 bond back if the costume comes back undamaged. The hire cost is over a 4 day period (Thurs – Mon) however if you only needed it for one night the cost is still the same.
Kind regards,
Av
Character **********
__________________________________________________________________
From: Tony Smalls [mailto:tonysmalls@live.com.au]
Sent: Thursday, 28 January 2010 12:32 PM
To: *******@character*********.com
Subject: RE: Costume
Gavin? Is your name Gavin?
Firstly, it saddens me to tell you that I will not hurt myself punching a door. The door is the only one that gets injured. When Tony Smalls punches a door. Tony Smalls doesnt get hurt. The door gets ninja'd. Now you remember that, and you will live a very long life. Chuck Norris stole all the jokes about me, and made them about him. Because thats what he is. He is a joke.
When you say you need your fearless leader to do some research, I sit here (whilst doing 620 push-ups and 980 situps, all at the same time) making the assumption that I am just talking to some inferior little wanna-be. If this is the case, the conversation stops here. I am the best and im insulted that i do not get the best in return. Since when does the worlds best ninja associate with these people.
I demand to speak to your 'fearless' leader. This will break your heart, but whoever it is, they wont be fearless after they have met me.
Outraged,
Tony B. Smalls
__________________________________________________________________
From: *******@character*********.com
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Subject: RE: Costume
Date: Thu, 28 Jan 2010 14:19:49 +0800
Hi Tony
I'm sorry you feel that way, unfortunately, our boss has 3 shops and travels constantly between locations and thus is not here to answer emails. It is part of my job, however, it is not my job to give quotes and false promises to delusional Ninja's. If you would like to order a costume to purchase let me know and I will organise a quote for you. Alternatively if you would like to hire our Deluxe Ninja costume please feel free to call us on the number below to make a booking.
My name is not Stephanie or Gavin. It is Aiveen, however, sometimes other staff members attend to the emails.
Kind regards,
Character **********
__________________________________________________________________
From:Tony Smalls (tonysmalls@live.com.au)
Sent:Thursday, 28 January 2010 5:49:16 PM
To: *******@character*********.com
Ohhh. I was SO close with gavin! I was going to say Aiveen. That was my next guess.
For your information, I am far from delusional. The emails stop here unless I speak with your Grand Master. Then I can defeat him and be your boss. I will then proceed to fire you. Because a ninja doesnt need help running three stores simultaneously. I will then re-employ you to clean up all the bodies of people who get in my way.
Remember the name, Tony Smalls.
Regards,
Tony B. Smalls
___________________________________________________________________
From:********** (*******@character*********.com)
Sent:Friday, 29 January 2010 12:35:55 PM
To: 'Tony Smalls' (tonysmalls@live.com.au)
Ok Tony
Thankyou for the giggles. From everyone at **********, good luck on your quest!
Kind regards,
Character **********
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Gym Membership
From:tonysmalls@live.com.au
Sent:Monday, 25 January 2010 4:15:26 PM
To: cannington@************.com.au
Hello,
My name is Tony Smalls. What is your name?
Im just emailing regarding a brand spanking new membership at your gym in Cannington! How exciting is that?!
If you could please get back to me with some prices as soon as possible, it would be greatly appreciated. As would any discount you can offer for a very enthusiastic customer!
Love love
T Smalls xx
__________________________________________________________________
From: Cannington@************.com.au
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Date: Mon, 25 Jan 2010 20:47:32 +1100
Subject: Re: Membership
Hi Tony,
Thank you for your enquiry on our memberships here at ******* *****. It's not everyday that we get such an enthusiastic email regarding it so for that I will try to give you the best possible membership we have!
Our memberships ranges from $11 - $28 per week depending on what would apply for you so the best thing would be to come into the club. We do have a promotion with our Joining Fee on at the moment till 30th January 2010. Our joining fee has been discounted from $150 to $1 so it would be very beneficial to come into the club as soon as possible.
I'm going to be available on Wednesday evening or Thursday afternoon so just let me know which is best and I can book you in.
Thankyou.
Regards,
Dionne ****
Club General Manager - Cannington
__________________________________________________________________
From:Tony Smalls (tonysmalls@live.com.au)
Sent:Wednesday, 27 January 2010 1:54:59 PM
To: cannington@************.com.au
Dionne,
Unfortunately I cannot come into the club as I work full time. And i cant afford to have anymore days off because, to be honest, Im a bit like jim carey in 'Yes Man' and just say 'Yes' to everything. So when somebody asks me to go to the beach, I leave work. They arn't too happy anymore and im on my last chance. Im thinking about becoming Tim Darey in 'No Man' and say no to everything.
Im looking for the very best membership you have to offer! I want everything!! You name it, I do it. Thats what I always say.
As for the promotion you have running, it doesnt concern me. You seem like such a great person, I will pay you the full $150! I would feel bad accepting such a discount. Please, take my money.
Wow. i am also available on Wednesday evening! This is great news. Does fish and chips on the beach sound good to you? Pick you up at 7?
Very excited customer,
Tony Smalls
Sent:Monday, 25 January 2010 4:15:26 PM
To: cannington@************.com.au
Hello,
My name is Tony Smalls. What is your name?
Im just emailing regarding a brand spanking new membership at your gym in Cannington! How exciting is that?!
If you could please get back to me with some prices as soon as possible, it would be greatly appreciated. As would any discount you can offer for a very enthusiastic customer!
Love love
T Smalls xx
__________________________________________________________________
From: Cannington@************.com.au
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Date: Mon, 25 Jan 2010 20:47:32 +1100
Subject: Re: Membership
Hi Tony,
Thank you for your enquiry on our memberships here at ******* *****. It's not everyday that we get such an enthusiastic email regarding it so for that I will try to give you the best possible membership we have!
Our memberships ranges from $11 - $28 per week depending on what would apply for you so the best thing would be to come into the club. We do have a promotion with our Joining Fee on at the moment till 30th January 2010. Our joining fee has been discounted from $150 to $1 so it would be very beneficial to come into the club as soon as possible.
I'm going to be available on Wednesday evening or Thursday afternoon so just let me know which is best and I can book you in.
Thankyou.
Regards,
Dionne ****
Club General Manager - Cannington
__________________________________________________________________
From:Tony Smalls (tonysmalls@live.com.au)
Sent:Wednesday, 27 January 2010 1:54:59 PM
To: cannington@************.com.au
Dionne,
Unfortunately I cannot come into the club as I work full time. And i cant afford to have anymore days off because, to be honest, Im a bit like jim carey in 'Yes Man' and just say 'Yes' to everything. So when somebody asks me to go to the beach, I leave work. They arn't too happy anymore and im on my last chance. Im thinking about becoming Tim Darey in 'No Man' and say no to everything.
Im looking for the very best membership you have to offer! I want everything!! You name it, I do it. Thats what I always say.
As for the promotion you have running, it doesnt concern me. You seem like such a great person, I will pay you the full $150! I would feel bad accepting such a discount. Please, take my money.
Wow. i am also available on Wednesday evening! This is great news. Does fish and chips on the beach sound good to you? Pick you up at 7?
Very excited customer,
Tony Smalls
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
New Board Game
From:Tony Smalls (tonysmalls@live.com.au)
Sent:Friday, 22 January 2010 5:35:52 PM
To: customerservice@games********.com.au
Yeh hi there,
Firstly I would just like to introduce myself. My name is Tony Smalls. How are you?
Ok now that the formalities are out of the way, let's get down to business. I am running into a bit of trouble trying to track this game down. I never thought it would be so hard given how famous it is! I was just wondering if you happen to have Jumanji in stock? If so, what would be the cost?
Thankyou for all help. I am desperate for this.
Regards,
Tony Smalls
__________________________________________________________________
Date: Mon, 25 Jan 2010 09:49:45 +1100
Subject: Re: New board game
From: customerservice@games********.com.au
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Hi Tony,
unfortunately we do not stock this particular game.
Maybe try Amazon or e-bay?
Sorry about that
Kind Regards,
Kate
__________________________________________________________________
From:Tony Smalls (tonysmalls@live.com.au)
Sent:Monday, 25 January 2010 1:35:38 PM
To: customerservice@games********.com.au
Kate,
I will really appreciate if you just look a bit harder. Do you just type it into your computer? If so, please go and look on your shelf. You never know, it could be there.
Have you seen the movie before? If you answer yes to this question, then I ask why do you not have the same desire to have this game? It looks amazing! Plus, my kids are annoying me these days since their mother left us for another woman. I just want to get rid of them for a while. And they love the movie. So i add one and one and come up with two!
As for your checking ebay or amazon idea, i unfortunately cannot do this as i do not have any internet access to these websites at all.
So if you could please do your best to check stocks, I will very much appreciate it.
Tony B Smalls
__________________________________________________________________
Date: Mon, 25 Jan 2010 15:48:13 +1100
Subject: Re: New board game
From: customerservice@games********.com.au
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Hi Tony,
unfortunately we will never be getting this game in again. We may have had it when the movie came out but not since then im sorry.
Good luck in finding it
Kind Regards,
Kate
__________________________________________________________________
From:Tony Smalls (tonysmalls@live.com.au)
Sent:Monday, 25 January 2010 3:47:20 PM
To: customerservice@games********.com.au
Katherine,
Since im struggling to find this game anywhere and since you had it when the movie came out, have you played it before? Im interested to know your experiences with such a game!
Also, it would probably be advisable to keep this game in stock. It would make your company ALOT of dollars.
Do you have any records kept that suggests maybe customers you have sold the game to in the past? Because then I could track them down and make an offer they cannot refuse. As im short of money at the moment, it will obviously be of valuable goods and/or other favours. How much is the game worth?
Thankyou,
T. Smalls
___________________________________________________________________
From:Kate (Games ********) (customerservice@games********.com.au)
Sent:Wednesday, 27 January 2010 12:28:55 PM
To: Tony Smalls (tonysmalls@live.com.au)
Hi,
No none of us have played the game before, we have not had the game for about 5 years now.
Unfortunately our records are confidential. Sorry about that
I dont know where else you could look apart from E-bay.
You could try google it. Unfortunately that's all I can really do to help.
Sorry about that. As for what it was worth, no ody remembers
Kind Regards,
Kate
__________________________________________________________________
From:Tony Smalls (tonysmalls@live.com.au)
Sent:Wednesday, 27 January 2010 1:33:58 PM
To: customerservice@games********.com.au
Kate,
Do you know much about the game though? Do you actually get sucked in and have to deal with all those experiences from the movie? Im keen on that stampede. Hopefully they would tread all over my ex-wife and her whore girlfriends house.
I understand that most companys do keep their records confidential. So maybe we can meet up for a coffee and discuss a price? Maybe take you out to a movie after?
As for google and ebay, i have already stated i do not have an internet connection for these websites. And even if I did, i blocked them from my wife because she always maxed out our credit card on ebay. Now I can't remember how to unblock them. Im such a silly sally.
Please excuse any late response, I do have a doctors appointment today to get my prostates checked.
Kindest regards,
Tony
Sent:Friday, 22 January 2010 5:35:52 PM
To: customerservice@games********.com.au
Yeh hi there,
Firstly I would just like to introduce myself. My name is Tony Smalls. How are you?
Ok now that the formalities are out of the way, let's get down to business. I am running into a bit of trouble trying to track this game down. I never thought it would be so hard given how famous it is! I was just wondering if you happen to have Jumanji in stock? If so, what would be the cost?
Thankyou for all help. I am desperate for this.
Regards,
Tony Smalls
__________________________________________________________________
Date: Mon, 25 Jan 2010 09:49:45 +1100
Subject: Re: New board game
From: customerservice@games********.com.au
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Hi Tony,
unfortunately we do not stock this particular game.
Maybe try Amazon or e-bay?
Sorry about that
Kind Regards,
Kate
__________________________________________________________________
From:Tony Smalls (tonysmalls@live.com.au)
Sent:Monday, 25 January 2010 1:35:38 PM
To: customerservice@games********.com.au
Kate,
I will really appreciate if you just look a bit harder. Do you just type it into your computer? If so, please go and look on your shelf. You never know, it could be there.
Have you seen the movie before? If you answer yes to this question, then I ask why do you not have the same desire to have this game? It looks amazing! Plus, my kids are annoying me these days since their mother left us for another woman. I just want to get rid of them for a while. And they love the movie. So i add one and one and come up with two!
As for your checking ebay or amazon idea, i unfortunately cannot do this as i do not have any internet access to these websites at all.
So if you could please do your best to check stocks, I will very much appreciate it.
Tony B Smalls
__________________________________________________________________
Date: Mon, 25 Jan 2010 15:48:13 +1100
Subject: Re: New board game
From: customerservice@games********.com.au
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Hi Tony,
unfortunately we will never be getting this game in again. We may have had it when the movie came out but not since then im sorry.
Good luck in finding it
Kind Regards,
Kate
__________________________________________________________________
From:Tony Smalls (tonysmalls@live.com.au)
Sent:Monday, 25 January 2010 3:47:20 PM
To: customerservice@games********.com.au
Katherine,
Since im struggling to find this game anywhere and since you had it when the movie came out, have you played it before? Im interested to know your experiences with such a game!
Also, it would probably be advisable to keep this game in stock. It would make your company ALOT of dollars.
Do you have any records kept that suggests maybe customers you have sold the game to in the past? Because then I could track them down and make an offer they cannot refuse. As im short of money at the moment, it will obviously be of valuable goods and/or other favours. How much is the game worth?
Thankyou,
T. Smalls
___________________________________________________________________
From:Kate (Games ********) (customerservice@games********.com.au)
Sent:Wednesday, 27 January 2010 12:28:55 PM
To: Tony Smalls (tonysmalls@live.com.au)
Hi,
No none of us have played the game before, we have not had the game for about 5 years now.
Unfortunately our records are confidential. Sorry about that
I dont know where else you could look apart from E-bay.
You could try google it. Unfortunately that's all I can really do to help.
Sorry about that. As for what it was worth, no ody remembers
Kind Regards,
Kate
__________________________________________________________________
From:Tony Smalls (tonysmalls@live.com.au)
Sent:Wednesday, 27 January 2010 1:33:58 PM
To: customerservice@games********.com.au
Kate,
Do you know much about the game though? Do you actually get sucked in and have to deal with all those experiences from the movie? Im keen on that stampede. Hopefully they would tread all over my ex-wife and her whore girlfriends house.
I understand that most companys do keep their records confidential. So maybe we can meet up for a coffee and discuss a price? Maybe take you out to a movie after?
As for google and ebay, i have already stated i do not have an internet connection for these websites. And even if I did, i blocked them from my wife because she always maxed out our credit card on ebay. Now I can't remember how to unblock them. Im such a silly sally.
Please excuse any late response, I do have a doctors appointment today to get my prostates checked.
Kindest regards,
Tony
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Lost Kayak Paddle
The following is a reply to a notice reading 'Lost Kayak Paddle near Coode St Jetty, South Perth on Monday'
_____________________________________________________________
From: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Unfortunately, i did not find your blue and white skee paddle. However, i have found part of a Ford Falcon car door and im sure this could be used as a substitute. Let me know.
Regards,
Tony
___________________________________________________________________
Date: Thu, 31 Dec 2009 17:16:38 -0800
From: chris******@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: Reply to your "Lost Kayak Paddle near Coode St Jetty, South Perth on Monday" Ad on Gumtree
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Are u some kind of fuckwit?
___________________________________________________________________
From:Tony Smalls (tonysmalls@live.com.au)
Sent:Wednesday, 20 January 2010 12:59:31 PM
To: chris******@yahoo.com
Sorry about the delayed reply. I've been re-checking this email everyday in the hope that your response, being full of intelligence, would somehow alter itself to a lower level of intelligence so I can understand.
However to answer your question, no. I am not a fuckwit. Sorry to disappoint. I am in fact, world improvising champion. To achieve this title, i went through many situations, like yours, where i have to improvise and use an object in which still carries out the task just as effectively. Some bloke from Romania came in second place.
If you open your mind a little and embrace this new way of doings things, you will be back paddling your kayak in no time at all. It is the way of the future.
Regards,
Tony
_____________________________________________________________
From: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Unfortunately, i did not find your blue and white skee paddle. However, i have found part of a Ford Falcon car door and im sure this could be used as a substitute. Let me know.
Regards,
Tony
___________________________________________________________________
Date: Thu, 31 Dec 2009 17:16:38 -0800
From: chris******@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: Reply to your "Lost Kayak Paddle near Coode St Jetty, South Perth on Monday" Ad on Gumtree
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Are u some kind of fuckwit?
___________________________________________________________________
From:Tony Smalls (tonysmalls@live.com.au)
Sent:Wednesday, 20 January 2010 12:59:31 PM
To: chris******@yahoo.com
Sorry about the delayed reply. I've been re-checking this email everyday in the hope that your response, being full of intelligence, would somehow alter itself to a lower level of intelligence so I can understand.
However to answer your question, no. I am not a fuckwit. Sorry to disappoint. I am in fact, world improvising champion. To achieve this title, i went through many situations, like yours, where i have to improvise and use an object in which still carries out the task just as effectively. Some bloke from Romania came in second place.
If you open your mind a little and embrace this new way of doings things, you will be back paddling your kayak in no time at all. It is the way of the future.
Regards,
Tony
Kittens
I enquired about the availability of some kittens I saw advertised....
___________________________________________________________________
From: ********@hotmail.com
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Subject: re - kittens
Date: Wed, 30 Dec 2009 22:15:26 +1100
hi
i only have the black male and the black and white female left, i am down near bunbury so was looking to come up to perth ina couple of weeksthey will have their needles this week
cheers
johanna
___________________________________________________________________
From: tonysmalls@live.com.au
To: ********@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: re - kittens
Date: Thu, 31 Dec 2009 00:20:24 +1030
Okay, well i was kind of looking for a few more as my pets are on a very strict diet and one cat will normally do for a couple of weeks. But if there is only two left, that is fine for the time being. I will source more elsewhere. As for the needles, no need to worry. Save yourself some dollars.
Regards,
Tony B. Smalls
___________________________________________________________________
From: ********@hotmail.com
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Subject: RE: re - kittens
Date: Thu, 31 Dec 2009 09:37:14 +1100
hi
i am a bit confused, what do you mean one cat will do for 2 weeks, and what pets are on a strict diet? these kittens are for pets.
cheers
johanna
___________________________________________________________________
From: tonysmalls@live.com.au
To: ********@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: re - kittens
Date: Thu, 31 Dec 2009 10:29:18 +1030
Well i have a couple of snakes and I am looking at the possibility of acquiring a tiger. However, that is running into some difficulties as you could probably understand. For the snakes, one cat will normally last two weeks, meaning they wont eat again for another two weeks. Sometimes two and a half. And yes, like you say, these kittens will be for my pets.
Regards,
Tony
___________________________________________________________________
From: ********@hotmail.com
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Subject: RE: re - kittens
Date: Thu, 31 Dec 2009 13:33:03 +1100
hi
no worries then
unfortunately my kittens will go as pets and not as dinner pardon the pun, hope you find some more
cheers
johanna
___________________________________________________________________
From:Tony Smalls (tonysmalls@live.com.au)
Sent:Thursday, 31 December 2009 1:28:49 PM
To: ********@hotmail.com
Oh, so you are not willing to sell me your kittens? Please just pretend i said nothing about my other animals. I need these kittens. Please. I will pay above price. If you want i could give you a REAL animal in return?
Regards,
Tony
New Sofa
This is in reply to somebody selling a sofa....
______________________________________________________________
A Contact has been requested by:
Email Address: tonysmalls@live.com.au
User Message:
I'm very interested in your 2.5 seater couch. Dont get me wrong, theres not 2.5 people in my family, however my wife more than makes up that extra 0.5 if you know what i mean! Just one main question on the couch, has it been christened yet?
Regards,
Tony
__________________________________________________________________
From: ********@hotmail.com
Subject: 2.5 Seater Sofa
Date: Thu, 31 Dec 2009 10:51:20 +0800
Hi there Tony
The sofa is in excellent condition and as I stated in the ad, lives in a smoke and child-free home. Let me know if you require further information.
Nissan ******
__________________________________________________________________
From:Tony Smalls (tonysmalls@live.com.au)
Sent:Thursday, 31 December 2009 1:33:59 PM
To: ********@hotmail.com
I didnt catch your name there?
Excellent condition is great. Thats very good to know. As for a child free home, i find it particularly pleasing that you or your partner wear protection. I feel kids are just too much of a burden and refuse to impregnate my wife.
However, my question didnt get answered. Has the couch been christened yet? Im looking at buying more furniture as all the furniture in my house has been christened. I am a newlywed. Its great!
Regards,
Tony
__________________________________________________________________
From:Nissan ****** (********@hotmail.com)
Sent:Thursday, 31 December 2009 7:14:45 PM
To: Tony Smalls' (tonysmalls@live.com.au)
Hi Tony
No the sofa has not been ‘christened’.
- Nissan
No the sofa has not been ‘christened’.
- Nissan
Wanted: Assistant Photographers Job
This bloke put an ad out seeking an assistant photographers job. My reply....
_____________________________________________________________
From: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Hello, I am looking for someody to help me out and you seem very keen and eager to learn. I am not your 'traditional' photographer, I am in the adult industry. When you say you have previous experience, is this in the adult industry?
Please let me know if you are interested, you will not regret such a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Regards,
Tony
___________________________________________________________________
From: ********2020@hotmail.com
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Subject: RE: Reply to your "Wanted: Assistant Photographers Job" Ad on Gumtree
Date: Thu, 31 Dec 2009 03:27:24 +1030
Hi Tony,
As you said you are not the "traditional" photographer but i'd be definitely interested in learning more in different fields.
Just let me know what is involved,what i have to do, where I have to travel and whether its just a fixed studio or different places.
I'd be happy to meet up and chat if you like.
If you have a website please send me link so i can have a look and might give me a better idea.
regards
Mike
___________________________________________________________________
Hahah. I bet you'd like an internet site, you cheeky boy, you ;P
___________________________________________________________________
From:Tony Smalls (tonysmalls@live.com.au)
Sent:Thursday, 31 December 2009 10:38:39 AM
To: ********2020@hotmail.com
Mikey boy,
Quick to jump at the opportunity! Do you have previous experience in the adult industry? Because i am really looking for someone who has done it before and knows what they're doing. Knows what is involved, if you know what i mean.
I am actually a homosexual photographer and also shoot the occasional film. So basically whilst i am filming, i need somebody to be taking some snaps. I also act, so there is a chance you could also shoot a film too. There are no girls involved, strictly male presence only.
There is no fixed studio and we do most of our work friday and saturday nights at various locations.
As you could probably appreciate, there is no website as what we do is strongly frowned upon by society and, in particular, the government.
Regards,
Tony
___________________________________________________________________
From:Mike . (********2020@hotmail.com)
Sent:Thursday, 31 December 2009 8:30:28 PM
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Tony,
Sorry prob not the best person good luck finding someone.
Cheers
_____________________________________________________________
From: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Hello, I am looking for someody to help me out and you seem very keen and eager to learn. I am not your 'traditional' photographer, I am in the adult industry. When you say you have previous experience, is this in the adult industry?
Please let me know if you are interested, you will not regret such a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Regards,
Tony
___________________________________________________________________
From: ********2020@hotmail.com
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Subject: RE: Reply to your "Wanted: Assistant Photographers Job" Ad on Gumtree
Date: Thu, 31 Dec 2009 03:27:24 +1030
Hi Tony,
As you said you are not the "traditional" photographer but i'd be definitely interested in learning more in different fields.
Just let me know what is involved,what i have to do, where I have to travel and whether its just a fixed studio or different places.
I'd be happy to meet up and chat if you like.
If you have a website please send me link so i can have a look and might give me a better idea.
regards
Mike
___________________________________________________________________
Hahah. I bet you'd like an internet site, you cheeky boy, you ;P
___________________________________________________________________
From:Tony Smalls (tonysmalls@live.com.au)
Sent:Thursday, 31 December 2009 10:38:39 AM
To: ********2020@hotmail.com
Mikey boy,
Quick to jump at the opportunity! Do you have previous experience in the adult industry? Because i am really looking for someone who has done it before and knows what they're doing. Knows what is involved, if you know what i mean.
I am actually a homosexual photographer and also shoot the occasional film. So basically whilst i am filming, i need somebody to be taking some snaps. I also act, so there is a chance you could also shoot a film too. There are no girls involved, strictly male presence only.
There is no fixed studio and we do most of our work friday and saturday nights at various locations.
As you could probably appreciate, there is no website as what we do is strongly frowned upon by society and, in particular, the government.
Regards,
Tony
___________________________________________________________________
From:Mike . (********2020@hotmail.com)
Sent:Thursday, 31 December 2009 8:30:28 PM
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Tony,
Sorry prob not the best person good luck finding someone.
Cheers
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Turtle Purchase
From: Tony Smalls [mailto:tonysmalls@live.com.au]
Sent: Tuesday, 20 October 2009 5:46 PM
To: sales
Subject: TUMSN_H_001
Hello, i like very much the idea of purchasing short neck turtle. I was just wondering how many you have in stock?
And if so, are they available in any other colour rather than the more tradtional green colour. Because i like to consider myself a bit of an 'out there' person, i cannot help but get excited over the prospect of maybe an orange or red turtle! If this is not possible, and im stuck with a green one, would any damage be done if i were to maybe spray paint them on a daily basis? Or would you not recommend this?
Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Tony
_________________________________________________________________
Subject: RE: TUMSN_H_001
Date: Wed, 21 Oct 2009 07:35:16 +1030
From: sales@************.com.au
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
We have several short neck turtles for sale, but if your intention is to harm the animal by wanting to change its colour by spray painting it daily I will not sell you one as this will surely be a very cruel death.
Kind Regards,
Donna *****
Reception
__________________________________________________________________
RE: TUMSN_H_001
From:Tony Smalls (tonysmalls@live.com.au)
Sent:Wednesday, 21 October 2009 10:20:00 AM
To: sales@************.com.au
When you say several, how many exactly? Because I am very interested in buying quite a few of them as they are just the most adorable little animal, arnt they?!
I apologise if it has come across that it is my intention to harm them. That is definitely not the case. So i guess the spray painting would not be recommended. That is okay. A green turtle is better than no turtle!
On your website it says they cost $85 each. I was just wondering, if i were to buy say, i dont know, work off a rough figure of 14.5, would there be any reduction in this price?
I also would like to know a rough lifespan of these animals. Because, like any parent, I do not want to lose my kids before my time is up. And yes, these turtles will be treated like my own precious offspring as i am unfortunately infertile!
Regards,
Turtle lover
__________________________________________________________________
Subject: Turtles
Date: Wed, 21 Oct 2009 13:51:01 +1030
From: *****@************.com.au
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
We have a limit of 5 Turtles per customer and seeing as we are short stocked at the moment until after xmas we are unable to offer any discount.
The short neck turtles live for 30years+ and they grow quite large (30cm Shell). They don’t stay little for long. They would be alright in an aquarium for the 1st year but would need to moved into a much larger area after that.
Kind Regards,
Donna *****
Company Director
___________________________________________________________________
From: Tony Smalls[mailto:tonysmalls@live.com.au]
Sent: Wednesday, 21 October 2009 2:53 PM
To: Donna *****
Subject: RE: Turtles
Okay. Five is good. But i want more. Are they easy enough to breed? Would you say they are a 'horny' type of animal like i hear dolphins are?
Ohhh 30years+. I think that will be perfect for me. I have quite a large aquarium, so that will be no troubles for the first year. After that, i have a pool in the backyard. Would that be sufficient enough area? Obviously i will still want to swim in the pool and everything like that. So do they require a special sort of water that is also ok for humans to swim in? Have you ever swum with turtles before? I think its definitely something i want to experience in my life.
Also, what sort of food do they eat? Would they be like my pet Black Headed Python named Tony who eats rabbits? Or do they have a different kind of diet?
Sorry about all these questions. I could google them or go on Wikipedia, but i think talking with experts directly is the best possible way to ensure my turtles live a long and fruitful life.
Regards,
Turtle Lover
_________________________________________________________________
Subject: RE: Turtles
Date: Wed, 21 Oct 2009 15:42:03 +1030
From: *****@************.com.au
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Dear Tony,
I would suggest you purchase a book to learn about keeping turtles before purchasing any.
There is a Turtle care sheet available on our web site under care info.
Turtles only breed once a year and must be compatible, I have no idea regarding the sex life of dolphins.
An outdoor pond is an acceptable home for a turtle not a swimming pool.
Kind Regards,
Donna *****
Company Director
___________________________________________________________________
From: Tony Smalls [mailto:tonysmalls@live.com.au]
Sent: Wednesday, 21 October 2009 4:17 PM
To: Donna *****
Subject: RE: Turtles
Donna,
I'd rather purchase the turtles first and just learn as i go. This is by far the best learning way for me. Learning from mistakes is what i do best!
There is just one last question i'd like to ask and, please, dont read into it at all. But i was just wondering if turtle meat was edible and what they taste like? Because most people just explain it to be like chicken. Like everything. Surely not everything can taste like chicken! Please do not take this question the wrong way, i surely do not intend on buying them to eat. That is definitely not the case. But if they were to die before myself, i just dont like money going to waste, so want to know if this is an option or not.
Other than that, i think i know everything i need to know. I would now like to place an order for five. How do i go about doing this?
Regards,
Turtle lover
___________________________________________________________________
Subject: RE: Turtles
Date: Wed, 21 Oct 2009 16:31:04 +1030
From: *****@************.com.au
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Hi Tony,
I will not be selling you anything.
Your questions are totally inappropriate.
Do not email again.
Kind Regards,
Donna *****
Company Director
__________________________________________________________________
RE: Turtles
From:Tony Smalls (tonysmalls@live.com.au)
Sent:Wednesday, 21 October 2009 3:40:32 PM
To: *****@************.com.au
Ok. Well im sorry you feel that way and can't help me. I will take my business elsewhere to somebody who is more understanding and willing to help me with my passion for turtles.
Regards,
Turtle lover
Sent: Tuesday, 20 October 2009 5:46 PM
To: sales
Subject: TUMSN_H_001
Hello, i like very much the idea of purchasing short neck turtle. I was just wondering how many you have in stock?
And if so, are they available in any other colour rather than the more tradtional green colour. Because i like to consider myself a bit of an 'out there' person, i cannot help but get excited over the prospect of maybe an orange or red turtle! If this is not possible, and im stuck with a green one, would any damage be done if i were to maybe spray paint them on a daily basis? Or would you not recommend this?
Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Tony
_________________________________________________________________
Subject: RE: TUMSN_H_001
Date: Wed, 21 Oct 2009 07:35:16 +1030
From: sales@************.com.au
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
We have several short neck turtles for sale, but if your intention is to harm the animal by wanting to change its colour by spray painting it daily I will not sell you one as this will surely be a very cruel death.
Kind Regards,
Donna *****
Reception
__________________________________________________________________
RE: TUMSN_H_001
From:Tony Smalls (tonysmalls@live.com.au)
Sent:Wednesday, 21 October 2009 10:20:00 AM
To: sales@************.com.au
When you say several, how many exactly? Because I am very interested in buying quite a few of them as they are just the most adorable little animal, arnt they?!
I apologise if it has come across that it is my intention to harm them. That is definitely not the case. So i guess the spray painting would not be recommended. That is okay. A green turtle is better than no turtle!
On your website it says they cost $85 each. I was just wondering, if i were to buy say, i dont know, work off a rough figure of 14.5, would there be any reduction in this price?
I also would like to know a rough lifespan of these animals. Because, like any parent, I do not want to lose my kids before my time is up. And yes, these turtles will be treated like my own precious offspring as i am unfortunately infertile!
Regards,
Turtle lover
__________________________________________________________________
Subject: Turtles
Date: Wed, 21 Oct 2009 13:51:01 +1030
From: *****@************.com.au
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
We have a limit of 5 Turtles per customer and seeing as we are short stocked at the moment until after xmas we are unable to offer any discount.
The short neck turtles live for 30years+ and they grow quite large (30cm Shell). They don’t stay little for long. They would be alright in an aquarium for the 1st year but would need to moved into a much larger area after that.
Kind Regards,
Donna *****
Company Director
___________________________________________________________________
From: Tony Smalls[mailto:tonysmalls@live.com.au]
Sent: Wednesday, 21 October 2009 2:53 PM
To: Donna *****
Subject: RE: Turtles
Okay. Five is good. But i want more. Are they easy enough to breed? Would you say they are a 'horny' type of animal like i hear dolphins are?
Ohhh 30years+. I think that will be perfect for me. I have quite a large aquarium, so that will be no troubles for the first year. After that, i have a pool in the backyard. Would that be sufficient enough area? Obviously i will still want to swim in the pool and everything like that. So do they require a special sort of water that is also ok for humans to swim in? Have you ever swum with turtles before? I think its definitely something i want to experience in my life.
Also, what sort of food do they eat? Would they be like my pet Black Headed Python named Tony who eats rabbits? Or do they have a different kind of diet?
Sorry about all these questions. I could google them or go on Wikipedia, but i think talking with experts directly is the best possible way to ensure my turtles live a long and fruitful life.
Regards,
Turtle Lover
_________________________________________________________________
Subject: RE: Turtles
Date: Wed, 21 Oct 2009 15:42:03 +1030
From: *****@************.com.au
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Dear Tony,
I would suggest you purchase a book to learn about keeping turtles before purchasing any.
There is a Turtle care sheet available on our web site under care info.
Turtles only breed once a year and must be compatible, I have no idea regarding the sex life of dolphins.
An outdoor pond is an acceptable home for a turtle not a swimming pool.
Kind Regards,
Donna *****
Company Director
___________________________________________________________________
From: Tony Smalls [mailto:tonysmalls@live.com.au]
Sent: Wednesday, 21 October 2009 4:17 PM
To: Donna *****
Subject: RE: Turtles
Donna,
I'd rather purchase the turtles first and just learn as i go. This is by far the best learning way for me. Learning from mistakes is what i do best!
There is just one last question i'd like to ask and, please, dont read into it at all. But i was just wondering if turtle meat was edible and what they taste like? Because most people just explain it to be like chicken. Like everything. Surely not everything can taste like chicken! Please do not take this question the wrong way, i surely do not intend on buying them to eat. That is definitely not the case. But if they were to die before myself, i just dont like money going to waste, so want to know if this is an option or not.
Other than that, i think i know everything i need to know. I would now like to place an order for five. How do i go about doing this?
Regards,
Turtle lover
___________________________________________________________________
Subject: RE: Turtles
Date: Wed, 21 Oct 2009 16:31:04 +1030
From: *****@************.com.au
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Hi Tony,
I will not be selling you anything.
Your questions are totally inappropriate.
Do not email again.
Kind Regards,
Donna *****
Company Director
__________________________________________________________________
RE: Turtles
From:Tony Smalls (tonysmalls@live.com.au)
Sent:Wednesday, 21 October 2009 3:40:32 PM
To: *****@************.com.au
Ok. Well im sorry you feel that way and can't help me. I will take my business elsewhere to somebody who is more understanding and willing to help me with my passion for turtles.
Regards,
Turtle lover
New Vehicle
From:Tony Smalls (tonysmalls@live.com.au)
Sent:Friday, 23 October 2009 5:36:24 PM
To: ***@*********nissan.com.au
Hello,
I need to buy a new car please.
Regards,
Myself
___________________________________________________________________
From: ********@*********nissan.com.au
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Date: Fri, 23 Oct 2009 15:36:54 +0800
Subject: Nissan
Hi Tony
Firstly I appreciate your enquiry, we do need to know what vehicle you are interested in before we can assist.
Are you local to the Dealership?
Kind regards
Tass *******
___________________________________________________________________
From:Tony Smalls (tonysmalls@live.com.au)
Sent:Friday, 23 October 2009 6:27:01 PM
To: ********@*********nissan.com.au
Tass,
I am not local to the dealership at present. I am currently overseas travelling across Africa and South America helping out in poverty stricken communities. I just like to do what i can to help those less fortunate. I remember a time back in May last year when I visited some remote Northen Territory communties. They live in such poverty and it amazes me this happens on our very own doorsteps. You should seriously consider taking some time off for this. It is truly a rewarding experience.
Back onto the topic, i sold my vehicle to help fund my trip. So this is why I require a new one, for when i get back next month. Now i am very specific in what i require in a vehicle so I will need you to put on your 'Mr salesman' hat (or mrs, i am unsure).
Can i rely on you for this?
Regards,
Tony B Smalls
Sent:Friday, 23 October 2009 5:36:24 PM
To: ***@*********nissan.com.au
Hello,
I need to buy a new car please.
Regards,
Myself
___________________________________________________________________
From: ********@*********nissan.com.au
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Date: Fri, 23 Oct 2009 15:36:54 +0800
Subject: Nissan
Hi Tony
Firstly I appreciate your enquiry, we do need to know what vehicle you are interested in before we can assist.
Are you local to the Dealership?
Kind regards
Tass *******
___________________________________________________________________
From:Tony Smalls (tonysmalls@live.com.au)
Sent:Friday, 23 October 2009 6:27:01 PM
To: ********@*********nissan.com.au
Tass,
I am not local to the dealership at present. I am currently overseas travelling across Africa and South America helping out in poverty stricken communities. I just like to do what i can to help those less fortunate. I remember a time back in May last year when I visited some remote Northen Territory communties. They live in such poverty and it amazes me this happens on our very own doorsteps. You should seriously consider taking some time off for this. It is truly a rewarding experience.
Back onto the topic, i sold my vehicle to help fund my trip. So this is why I require a new one, for when i get back next month. Now i am very specific in what i require in a vehicle so I will need you to put on your 'Mr salesman' hat (or mrs, i am unsure).
Can i rely on you for this?
Regards,
Tony B Smalls
Car Advertisement
Some woman was advertising her car.....
___________________________________________________________________
A Contact has been requested by:
Email Address: tonysmalls@live.com.au
User Message: Hi,
Just wondering if it has had a female or male driver for the majority of its life?
Regards,
Tony
___________________________________________________________________
Date: Wed, 20 Jan 2010 11:32:34 +0800
Subject: Holden Astra
From: lydia.********@gmail.com
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Hi There,
The car has had only 2 female drivers in its life, has not been involved in any accidents and has been very well looked after and routinely serviced.
Please let me know if you would like to view.
Thanks
Lydia
___________________________________________________________________
From:Tony Smalls (tonysmalls@live.com.au)
Sent:Wednesday, 20 January 2010 5:49:03 PM
To: lydia.********@gmail.com
Lydia, I highly doubt it when you say it has not been in any accidents when the only two drivers have been female. What a joke. Having said that, i understand that they would only be minor accidents given that females drive so slowly.
I assume you have come to your senses and now understand women belong in the house and this is why you are selling your car. For your husband/boyfriend who obviously will now be taking over all the driving duties, I have a suggestion. I am selling a 2004 5.7L Gen III HSV Maloo Ute. Theres not much more manly than this. Let me know if you are interested.
As for your car, i'd suggest the wreckers.
Regards,
Tony
___________________________________________________________________
A Contact has been requested by:
Email Address: tonysmalls@live.com.au
User Message: Hi,
Just wondering if it has had a female or male driver for the majority of its life?
Regards,
Tony
___________________________________________________________________
Date: Wed, 20 Jan 2010 11:32:34 +0800
Subject: Holden Astra
From: lydia.********@gmail.com
To: tonysmalls@live.com.au
Hi There,
The car has had only 2 female drivers in its life, has not been involved in any accidents and has been very well looked after and routinely serviced.
Please let me know if you would like to view.
Thanks
Lydia
___________________________________________________________________
From:Tony Smalls (tonysmalls@live.com.au)
Sent:Wednesday, 20 January 2010 5:49:03 PM
To: lydia.********@gmail.com
Lydia, I highly doubt it when you say it has not been in any accidents when the only two drivers have been female. What a joke. Having said that, i understand that they would only be minor accidents given that females drive so slowly.
I assume you have come to your senses and now understand women belong in the house and this is why you are selling your car. For your husband/boyfriend who obviously will now be taking over all the driving duties, I have a suggestion. I am selling a 2004 5.7L Gen III HSV Maloo Ute. Theres not much more manly than this. Let me know if you are interested.
As for your car, i'd suggest the wreckers.
Regards,
Tony
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